he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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