We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
