Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
