Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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