I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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