Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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