Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
