i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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