I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What a dumb baby whore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
