Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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