Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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