My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
