It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
