The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
