thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
