New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
