sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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