Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
