my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
