just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
