I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
