honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
