She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
