I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
