dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
