I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
