this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
