I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
