I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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