I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
