It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
