It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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