break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
