two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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