and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
