you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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