I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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