she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How does it feel to date your dad?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
