idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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