yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
