I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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