hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
