Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My apartment stinks of burning failure
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
