Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
