thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
third nipple confirmed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
