She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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