She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
