I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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