u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
