saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
